We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.
Because by your holy cross, you have redeemed the world.
Reading
Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother." And from that hour the disciple took her into his home. (John 19: 25-27)
Reflection
Autistic people, we are told, are more prone to either/or thinking than the general population is. In other words, we see readily how something must be either (a) or (b), but we might not notice that, in some circumstances, something can be both (a) and (b) at the same time. Or, we may not see how more than one thing can be (a) at the same time.
Let’s apply this to our experience with our parents – or whoever filled the role of parent(s) for us as we grew up. Either/or thinking tells us that these are our parents and that no one else is (we’ll leave out divorce and remarriage for the sake of clarity). This helps us feel a deep sense of attachment and loyalty to our parents. Autistic people can be fiercely loyal. We become more open to whatever our parents have to offer us.
This parental devotion, for us, is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it makes us more receptive to all the love our parents want to give us. On the other hand, it makes us vulnerable to any failings or sins that our parents have as well. All of us have darkness as well as light in our hearts. We have all been affected by both the light and the darkness of people around us, especially our parents.
Now, if we only use either/or thinking, then we end up seeing ourselves only as our parents saw us. This, again, is a mixture of light and darkness, of how our parents genuinely loved us and of how they may have failed us or abused us or manipulated us, in small or even significant ways. It’s only when we can broaden our thinking a little – seeing how other people can supplement what our parents gave us, and how they can help us see what is good and what is imperfect in all of this.
In this Station, we see an either/or become a both/and. Mary was Jesus’ Mother; He was her Son. Literally. Now, on the Cross, Jesus gives Mary to the Beloved Disciple as his mother, and the Disciple to her as her son. Jesus, of course, remains Mary’s son. She remains His mother. But now her motherhood is expanded, multiplied, to include everyone who has faith in her Son. Mary is now our Mother as well. Her presence and intercession can help supply us with whatever our parents were unable to give us or heal any hurts that our parents cause us – even unintentionally. Through Mary, we are led to the whole Communion of Saints – all those who have proved faithful to the Lord in their earthly lives and who can now offer us their intercession and guidance. We can have many mentors, many guides, along with our parents. Both/and!
Prayer
Father of mercy,
we give you thanks for our parents
and all who have been like parents for us.
May we grow in faith from the richness
of their example and prayers
and become Your true daughters and sons.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.