We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you.
Because by your holy cross, you have redeemed the world.
Reading
Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. One of the maids came over to him and said, "You too were with Jesus the Galilean." But he denied it in front of everyone, saying, "I do not know what you are talking about!" As he went out to the gate, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This man was with Jesus the Nazorean." Again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man!" A little later the bystanders came over and said to Peter, "Surely you too are one of them; even your speech gives you away." At that he began to curse and to swear, "I do not know the man." And immediately a cock crowed. Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken: "Before the cock crows you will deny me three times." He went out and began to weep bitterly. (Matthew 26: 69-75)
Reflection
Many people on the spectrum are capable of deep love. Often, that first shows itself in the interests that captivate us and light up our eyes. This interest could be most anything: the planets, dinosaurs, trains, vacuum cleaners, car tires. We read everything we can about our interests and speak of them at great length and with great passion to all who will listen.
But not everyone will listen. We may find ourselves with the wrong crowd. They do not understand our loves. They may pressure us to hide them or deny them in some way.
Peter was passionate about following Jesus. He would often speak first before thinking. He made his mistakes. But he was willing to risk being wrong if it meant being closer to Jesus. But here, Peter finds himself in the wrong crowd. They are all hostile to Jesus. They are equally hostile to Peter and his funny Galilean accent. Peter is overwhelmed by the hostility all around him and ends up denying the One he loved as his Lord. Peter then realizes what he has done, and weeps bitterly. He has a meltdown – in our terms.
Have we ever felt pressure to deny something very dear to us? Did we take our faith in Jesus very seriously, only to be told that we were too naïve or too literal? Did anyone ever pressure us to deny our most cherished loves and values? If we succumbed to that pressure, do we still carry that guilt and weep bitterly on the inside? Can we forgive those who pressured us? Can we forgive ourselves?
Jesus forgave Peter in the end by asking Peter about his love, and then commissioning Peter to live out that love for the sake of the world. Jesus will do the same for you and me. Bring to Him your deepest loves. Bring to him any times when you felt that you had denied them, and thus denied Him. Hear Him tell you that your loves were indeed good and let Him help you renew and heal them by His love.
Prayer
Father of mercy,
grant us Your strength and wisdom,
that we may follow You in all things.
Forgive all the ways in which we have failed
to love all You have given us to love.
Help us forgive ourselves for every time
we have failed to love you as we long to love you.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.